so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
