Can Purell be used as lube?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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