in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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