WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
