it's not cheating when I paid for it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
