I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
