This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
