Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
