Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
