last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
