that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize