I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
