You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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