I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
