i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
