DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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