Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
