I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
