hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
