If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
