if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
