Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
