so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
