dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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