i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
