you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
