never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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