We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize