you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
