Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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