If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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