im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
