I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize