that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
