They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
