dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
