just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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