my mouth tastes like poor choices
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
