Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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