So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
