Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Are my feet made of real feet?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
