Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
