i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize