I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
