I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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