oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize