So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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