My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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