Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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