i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
