Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize