dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
