i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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