Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
