he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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