The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
