Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
