So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
