I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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