i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
