he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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