Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
