dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize