Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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