Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
