Umm I'm too high to move.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
