tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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