i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
