Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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