He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
