How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
