For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
