Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
