I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
