I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
