booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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