i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
