We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think your dad took our porno
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
