you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
