using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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