I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
