no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
