from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
