I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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