wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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