True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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