Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
