Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
