the condom got lost in my hair
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
