The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
