i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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