I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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