We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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