Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
