i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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