we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and she was petting her beer can
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
