i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
