I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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