It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
