I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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