she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
