I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
