I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
