I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
