Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is Oprah even human
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
