At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize