You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My cat gives me a boner
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
