we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
