I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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