I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
